Till I see you again

This past summer was all about my grandma.  I lost count with how many trips to the emergency room we visited... tears running down my cheek each time wondering if this was the one that would get her.  My grandmother has always been such an incredibly strong person.  In her old age she became diabetic, but as special as she was to us- so was her diabetes to every doctor she visited.  No one could ever figure her out!  But this summer was worse than others.  She'd spend weeks in the hospital, get released just to be back in a few days.  She ended up in a nursing home for some time but even with someone on hand all the time she would still find herself back in the emergency room.  Summer was coming to a close and we had to come up with something because my mom had to go back to work.  If we left her in the nursing home, the state would basically take over her and all she had.  But more important than that, she didn't want to be there.

After my mom went back to working at the schools and my kids all went back to school, I took over the responsibility of visiting my grandma over lunch and getting her ready for her nap and then my mom would come up after work.  I will always treasure those moments... some good and some bad.  There was one time I was helping her eat and her physical therapist came out and told her she was supposed to be trying to do that herself.  Her response was, "I know, but my granddaughter likes to do it for me.  I don't want to hurt her feelings."  We all started laughing.  But there were other times that I would walk up to her and she would burst into tears and I would just hold her.  She wanted out of there so bad.  And luckily for all of us, our blessing came in the form of my sister Ann.  Ann was in a unique position that enabled her to come help and we are all so grateful for this.  With Ann and Hospice, grandma was able to come home and somehow Ann kept her going strong all the way until March.  It was no small miracle.  I remember telling my sister Sara during the summer how I didn't think it was fair that some of our family was able to come from out of town and say their goodbyes to grandma.  Because we lived in town, I felt like I could never say goodbye, and I was afraid one day she would just be gone.  However, grandma became bedridden a few days before Randy and I were taking off to Orlando for a work conference.  The night before we left, we all went over to say goodbye to grandma.  

 I remember telling her how much I loved her forever, and that she was my angel.  I told her that Randy and I were going to visit my brother Joe down in Florida but when we got back we would come over and tell her all about it.  She wasn't talking much by this point, but she told me she loved me... and that "you don't have to".  I knew at that point that this was my last goodbye to her.  Grandma passed away March 9, 2013.  It was the night before Randy and I returned from our trip.  I treasure these last pictures with her and I'm so glad I remembered to take my camera.  I love the one of her looking up at my kids, because to me it resembles how she will be watching over them their whole lives.  She loved them as if they were her own, and they knew that.  At night, I will ask my little girls what they want to dream about tonight... and they will answer "I want to dream about Gum-Gum."  There was a song by Carrie Underwood that started playing on the radio not long after I lost my grandma, and I think of her every time I hear it.  For Avery and I, it's our song to our grandma.  "Said goodbye, turned around and you were gone, gone, gone.  Faded into the setting sun, slipped away.  But I won't cry cause I know I'll never be lonely, for you are the stars to me, you are the light I follow.  I will see you again, oh, this is not where it ends.  I will carry you with me, till I see you again."