What's up, Buddy!

The Jensen's bought a horse when we were in Tennessee this past summer, and we couldn't wait to get back out and see Buddy the horse. However, I was so worn out I didn't make it on this little adventure. In fact, I should point out at this time that I did the unthinkable... I forgot my camera completely! This is not like me at all. I almost made Randy turn the car around and go back home when I realized what I had done! So all the pictures in Tennessee are pictures from my mom's camera. Waiting patiently for their turn to ride Buddy is Avery, Ann, Austin, Kaylee, Addie, Kimball, Kinley and Karrington.

Avery really enjoyed riding Buddy. She was a little nervous but Uncle Todd was a big help.

Enjoying a nice December day in Tennessee is Kyson, Jordan, Austin, Joe, Amy and Todd.

Addie decided she just enjoying watching everyone else, but Austin was brave and took his turn riding Buddy too.

Bounce U!!!

The next day after picking up Ann from the airport, we went to Bounce U. My kids beg to go here every time we visit the Jensen's. Ashton even let go of me so she could join in the fun! Here she is after sliding down one of the slides with Kinley.

Bounce U had two huge rooms full of bouncing toys, but this slide was a favorite. It was more fun when we went down in groups. Here are Kinley, Auntie Ann, Avery, Austin and Ashton.

Ashton even got Daddy to take her down the slide. He'll do anything for his little girls!!

And Nana will do anything for her grandkids!! She went down the web slide before I got the courage up to try it! In fact, she climbed the web 3 times!! I was very impressed! Auntie Ann, Kinley, Avery and Nana... all smiles!!

Time for Tennessee!

 

We were so excited when my brother Jordan told us he was engaged. We love Jen and couldn't have been happier for the two of them. But when he told us it was going to be December 23rd in the Nashville, TN temple we had to change our holidays around a little bit. Normally we go to Nashville for Thanksgiving, but this year we stayed home for Thanksgiving and went out there for Christmas. Austin loves going to TN and spending time with his cousin Kyson... and his uncles. He gets some good boy time in which is a good change from having only sisters around.

 

Ashton takes a little bit longer to warm up to everyone, but as long as I'm holding her she will smile for the camera!

 

Kyson is a lifeguard at the YMCA so we went there one day to swim. I guess because of all the crazy people in the world, camera's are no longer welcomed in the pool area. I got this picture of Addie before I knew. Their YMCA was super nice and included a "pool park" as I like to call it. The kids had a blast!

 

We were all really excited to see my sister, Ann, again! Kaylee and Joe dressed up as Napoleon and Pedro to pick her up. It had been 9 years this Christmas since I had seen her last, but we picked right back up like we never missed a beat! My kids were so excited to finally meet her!

Finding comfort through the pain

 

Though we never expected to say goodbye to Brian so early, it was a real comfort to be there with his family during this time. Everyone spoke about Brian's smile, it was a permanent fixture on his face... and he has passed that on to his daughter, Hallie. When I see her smile, I see Brian. And Colette is amazing! I can't imagine going through all that she has had to go through. I was comforted as we sat on the back row at one of the viewings... watching Colette, pregnant, sitting next to Brian as hour after hour she gave comfort to those who came to say goodbye to him. I knew at that moment the Lord knew her and loved her. I remember telling Randy that the Lord must have really needed Brian, and only because He knew Colette was so strong could He take Brian at this time. I love Colette. I have learned from her that the stronger your love, faith and testimony are, the more strength the Lord will give you to make it through every trial you are given.

 

Brian's son, Cole, is a very intelligent boy. On the day that Brian passed away, and right around the same time of the accident, Cole began asking Colette about heaven. He had never asked her this question before, but he wanted to know where heaven was and he didn't want a simple answer. He kept asking Colette until he was satisfied that he understood enough about where heaven was. I know that Brian will always be with his children, watching over them. I believe Brian was whispering to Cole where he was going, and it gives me great comfort.

 

One of the things Randy and I have always admired about the Buttars is the closeness of their family. I've always noticed the close bond between Brian and his dad. Dan is one of the best men you will ever find. Both he and his wife Jan our such great examples to me. They are completely genuine, compassionate and caring. Jan said that the night before the accident they were all out to dinner and Dan helped Brian and Colette get the kids to the car, get them buckled and gave Brian a big hug and told him he loved him. She, like I would have, said goodbye as she jumped into her car. Its so easy to take those little moments for granted. Of course Brian knows how much his mom adores him, but I know she would have loved one last hug. I hope I always try to give that one last hug.

 

Courtney went to her Christmas party and a lady came up to her and told her that her father died while her mom was pregnant with her. She wanted Courtney to know that she has always felt her father with her, even though she never knew him personally. That gave me great comfort. Bruce Simkins (the Buttars neighbor and friend) spoke at the funeral and said "it wouldn't hurt so much if we didn't love him so much" and that also meant alot to me. I will miss Brian terrible, but I'm so grateful to know that he is with the Lord and has started another mission in heaven... I know he was an amazing missionary on Earth! Colette gave birth to their 3rd child, Elijah Brian Buttars on December 14th. Here I am with Courtney, Jan Buttars and Colette Buttars. We are headed back up to Utah in March and can't wait to meet little Eli!

Remembering Brian

 

After the funeral we went out to celebrate Jordan's birthday and talk about all the great fun memories we had of Brian. Here is Randy with Jordan Buttars. Jordan told us stories of he and Brian going out to crazy concerts with mosh pits and going into the middle of them and coming out just dripping in sweat!

 

Here is our little crew. We really needed this night to just get out. We laughed so hard and the time just flew! I missed my "extended" family. Luckily we had made it up to Utah just the year before and were able to visit with Brian. But Courtney and Jared weren't there last year, so it was great to see them even though it was in the worst circumstances. Clockwise, here is Jordan Buttars, Courtney Geisler (Brian's sister), James Benson, Randy and Jared Geisler(Brian's brother-in-law). Court and Jared were married when we went to Lake Powell forever ago, but now Jordan and Chelsea are married and it was great getting to know their spouses better. Kelli and Miles are awesome and we fell in love with them as quickly as we did the Buttars when we met them. Kelli stayed home with their daughter, Nixan and Chelsea and Miles had some friends come in from California for the funeral but made it too late so they needed to spend time with them this night. Sadly, I didn't get any pictures of them this trip.

 

James Benson was one of the missionary companions that went to Lake Powell with us 10 years ago. I was so glad he came to dinner this night because he had some great stories. Brian and James actually went to high school together, so it was crazy when they ended up in the same mission too! They entered the MTC at the same time too, so James had some stories of Brian peeking over the bathroom stall at James just to "talk" and make sure James was doing okay. He also told of how Brian would hide in the small linen closet waiting to scare people! Brian was James' bestman at his wedding and had to stand in line and shake everyone's hand. After a while, Brain got his famous smile on his face and leaned over to James to say, "watch this". He then began to tell the people he was shaking hands with that he was "Henry, who met James at AA", or "Ralph, who just met James on the street" this continued through the rest of the reception line! Like I said, we were laughing so hard cause we could totally see Brian doing this!

 

And here is Courtney and I. I just love her! Court is Brian's older sister and was a real rock doing this whole terrible situation for her family. She got a hold of James and made sure that we knew what had happened, along with all the other million people she needed to get in touch with. She and Chelsea both wrote amazing letters to Brian that were read at the funeral, I know he always knew how much they loved him.

Just One More Time by Kelli Buttars

Jordan's wife, Kelli, wrote an amazing poem for Brian that Jordan read at the funeral. The funeral was actually held on Jordan's birthday. He did an amazing job... I don't know if I could have spoke at my brothers funeral. He said everything that he needed to, and I know Brian was so proud of him that day.

Just One More Time

Just one more time,
around the lake.
"I've got to jump,
across the wake."

Just one more time,
play with your son.
"I love you Dad,
you're so much fun."

Just one more time,
push Hallie slow.
"Hold the bike,
and don't let go."

Just one more time,
let me, your mom,
clean that cut,
and kiss it gone.

Just one more time,
before you go.
"Kiss me, your wife,
just so I know."

Just one more time,
around the track.
"I love to ride,
I'll be right back."

Just one more time,
explain to me.
"Our brother, My son,
it cannot be."

Just one more day,
is all we ask.
"To say goodbye
a daunting task."

Just one more time,
give us Your peace.
"We pray one day,
this pain will cease."

Just one more time,
we'll stay with you.
"We love you, Brian,
and miss you too."

Just one last time,
Brian, go to Him.
"His light is here,
and will not dim."

 

Saying goodbye to Brian

 

I have been avoiding my blog for so long because I knew this was the next thing I needed to talk about. I guess writing it down will make it real, and I don't want it to be real. I want to wake up and tell Brian about my terrible dream and to never ride a dirt bike again. I met Brian just over 10 years ago, but I feel like I've known him my whole life, it was an instant friendship.

 

I first read about a missionary named Elder Buttars from Randy. He was so excited to have him as his companion and even more excited that they were distant relatives! I still don't know exactly how they are related... something like Randy's great grandfather and Brian's great grandfather were brothers. But it didn't matter- they thought of themselves as brothers. They loved and fought like brothers. During one of their fights Brian said, "I can't do anything right around here" and Randy never let him live that one down. Randy would say that they would be in a fight and Randy would want to stay mad but Brian would have this grin on his face or do something to try to make Randy laugh. Believe me, he made some funny faces... and he had the BEST smile ever! They served together for 4 months in the Olangapo, Philippines Mission and lived in the same apartment but with different companions for another 4 months. Brian was with Randy when I got mad at him and told him I wasn't going to write for a while... which Brian called my "dear John" letter. He said that Randy came out of the house and kicked a bucket of water so hard and it almost hit Brian. I'm going to miss that story.

 

After Brian got home from his mission, he set up a vacation with his family and some of his old missionary companions. Randy and I had just gotten married and were living in Utah. I think Brian felt bad taking Randy away from me right after we had gotten married so I was invited too. We hurried back from our Oklahoma reception and chose to go to Lake Powell for our honeymoon with the Buttars family, the McGregor and Simkins (neighbors & friends of the Buttars), and three other missionary companions. I know a lot of people thought I was crazy... but it was the best decision I ever made. This was when I first met Brian and his family and to this day it is one of my favorite memories and favorite vacation. We became instant friends and like I said earlier, I felt like I knew them my whole life.

 

November 30th, Randy called me from work. I started talking to him like I normally do and asked how he was doing... it took me a while to realize that he said "not good". I had to step back and ask what was wrong. He had just found out that Brian had passed away Saturday, November 28th. Brian was born for Utah and the mountains. He loved to mountain bike, ski, ride dirt bikes, all that fun stuff that Utah offers. He was out on his dirt bike and somehow got into an accident that basically killed him immediately. No one saw exactly what happened. We couldn't get to Utah fast enough... we needed to be there with our dear family the Buttars which now included Brian's wife Colette (who was two weeks away from having their 3rd child) Brian's son Cole(3),and his daughter Hallie(2).