Finding comfort through the pain

 

Though we never expected to say goodbye to Brian so early, it was a real comfort to be there with his family during this time. Everyone spoke about Brian's smile, it was a permanent fixture on his face... and he has passed that on to his daughter, Hallie. When I see her smile, I see Brian. And Colette is amazing! I can't imagine going through all that she has had to go through. I was comforted as we sat on the back row at one of the viewings... watching Colette, pregnant, sitting next to Brian as hour after hour she gave comfort to those who came to say goodbye to him. I knew at that moment the Lord knew her and loved her. I remember telling Randy that the Lord must have really needed Brian, and only because He knew Colette was so strong could He take Brian at this time. I love Colette. I have learned from her that the stronger your love, faith and testimony are, the more strength the Lord will give you to make it through every trial you are given.

 

Brian's son, Cole, is a very intelligent boy. On the day that Brian passed away, and right around the same time of the accident, Cole began asking Colette about heaven. He had never asked her this question before, but he wanted to know where heaven was and he didn't want a simple answer. He kept asking Colette until he was satisfied that he understood enough about where heaven was. I know that Brian will always be with his children, watching over them. I believe Brian was whispering to Cole where he was going, and it gives me great comfort.

 

One of the things Randy and I have always admired about the Buttars is the closeness of their family. I've always noticed the close bond between Brian and his dad. Dan is one of the best men you will ever find. Both he and his wife Jan our such great examples to me. They are completely genuine, compassionate and caring. Jan said that the night before the accident they were all out to dinner and Dan helped Brian and Colette get the kids to the car, get them buckled and gave Brian a big hug and told him he loved him. She, like I would have, said goodbye as she jumped into her car. Its so easy to take those little moments for granted. Of course Brian knows how much his mom adores him, but I know she would have loved one last hug. I hope I always try to give that one last hug.

 

Courtney went to her Christmas party and a lady came up to her and told her that her father died while her mom was pregnant with her. She wanted Courtney to know that she has always felt her father with her, even though she never knew him personally. That gave me great comfort. Bruce Simkins (the Buttars neighbor and friend) spoke at the funeral and said "it wouldn't hurt so much if we didn't love him so much" and that also meant alot to me. I will miss Brian terrible, but I'm so grateful to know that he is with the Lord and has started another mission in heaven... I know he was an amazing missionary on Earth! Colette gave birth to their 3rd child, Elijah Brian Buttars on December 14th. Here I am with Courtney, Jan Buttars and Colette Buttars. We are headed back up to Utah in March and can't wait to meet little Eli!